“My” Elder

by [NERO]

Every article I’ve read lately, that discusses this very topic of mine, unfortunately, paints a picture of those caring for elders that are in ill health, have no money of their own, are deep in debt, totally invalid, can’t drive, see, walk and a myriad of other ‘ailments.’

Let me assure you that I’m among the most lucky, in that my elder, who will be 92 years young in a matter of days, is financially secure, still drives, reads, carries a cell phone (paid for by me), receives Social Security benefits, has a pension, and is in great health for a person his age. His bones ache every now and then, but at 92, ‘something’s gonna hurt,’ I tell him. You can’t have it all, though I know he’d like to.

I’ve noticed lately that he moves a little slower in the mornings, but by noon it seems the stiffness has left his joints, mainly his legs. He seems to think (and remember, he knows it all!) that a little Physical Therapy will take care of that, and he doesn’t/can’t understand why the doctor doesn’t just order that up. I’ve explained to him that you pretty much have had to have been in an accident, had a stroke or something else debilitating enough to “warrant” PT; they don’t just throw PT sessions around. He wants to be able to touch his toes, and can’t understand why he can’t.

He has problems putting his socks on in the morning, and has on occasion asked either my daughter or me to put them on for him. He wants us to get him some baby powder on our next trip to Target or Wal-Mart, because he believes the baby power will help him put his socks on.

I just finished reading an article on how an 84 year old new retired woman had no pension due to her having worked decades for the family business. It turns out the business wasn’t worth much when she sold it, so her 50-something daughter bought the house next door to her own, and moved her Mother out to live next door. The 50-something has gone into debt to see to it that her Mother continues to enjoy some modicum of independence, yet she’s basically putting her own life on hold in order to do this. She’s the one in debt; she’ll have to work longer now and put off her own retirement; she buys all the food, does all the cooking, and makes ‘extra’ so that Mom will have something to eat all week; she no longer goes on shopping trips with friends, and the word vacation is alien sounding to her now that she’s gone into debt for her Mom.

Is this really what we’re supposed to do? How did it get this bad for our parents, and how, as a society, can we fix it or come to a happy medium where no one feels any financial pinch while giving back to our parents what they unselfishly gave us to begin with?

What are you doing; what are your tricks; where have you had to sacrifice and cut back; are you supporting your elder in other ways as well? What suggestions do you have or what do you think we can do to fix this?

Let’s hear from you,