“More Parents Move In”

(From USA Today, 9/28/08) (Photo by British American)

“In the 1990’s, your family came for dinner. Now they’re moving in.”

The number of parents, siblings and other relatives who live with adult head of households grew 42% from 2000 to 2007, according to data released today by the U.S. Census Bureau.

Leading the way: parents, up 67%, to 3.6 million.

The figures suggest it isn’t only elderly parents moving in. The number of parents under 65 in these households increased by 75%, and those 65 and older were up 62%. Both groups outpaced the number of people in family households overall, which is up 6% since 2000.

“This is just a major trend,” says Stephanie Coontz, a family history professor at Evergreen State College in Olympia, WA., who directs research at the Council on Contemporary Families.

Coontz suspects that a host of factors – among them higher housing costs and the USA’s struggling economy – are prompting families to combine expenses. Also, intergenerational households are common among the country’s growing number of immigrants, she says.

But Coontz also notes that parent-child relationships are closer now than in the past. The downside, she says, is the emergence of the so-called helicopter parent who may hover too closely, but the upside is a tighter bond between generations, and in many cases, closer friendships between grown children and their parents. “I don’t know how many of my students have told me, ‘this may sound weird, but I talk to my parents more than I talk to my friends’.”

The average size of both families and households grew from 2000 to 2007, the data show, after shrinking slightly in the 1990’s. The average family in 2007 had 3.2 people, up from 3.14 in 2000. The average household, which includes those in which someone lives alone, had 2.61 people in 2007, up from 2.59 in 2000.

Among other factors changing households:

A 40% increase in the number of other live-in relatives, including the head of household’s mother-in-law or father-in-law, to 6.8 million.

A 24% increase in the number of live-in brothers and sisters, to 3.5 million in 2007.

An 8% increase in non-relatives, including unmarried partners and roommates, to 6.2 million.

Alaska has the highest percentage change in parents living with householders, up 167%. South Dakota had the lowest, still up 7%.

The Census Bureau’s annual American Community Survey collects data from about 3 million U.S. households each year.

Find this article at:
http://www.usatoday.com/printededition/news/20080923/1a_bottom23.art.htm?loc=interstitialskip

Possibility or a Reality?

Have you recently either a) moved in with your (elderly) parents, or b) had your parents move in with you? Have you faced the “challenge” of your parent(s) getting older and resembling someone you barely know? Have you been faced with your parent(s) declining health or mental status? Have you been faced with a poor (or rich) economic standing of your parent(s)?

You’re not alone! Either moving in with, or having them move in with you has almost become the ‘norm’ today, and it seems to be the way a lot of us (or our parents) are either choosing to do, or doing it out of necessity, that brings many challenges that have to be faced by all parties.

This is what this blog is about; I will preface this blog with the fact that I am not a ‘professional writer,’ though it’s been a lifelong dream of mine to “pen” something, and I once read that “Within every Gemini is the ability to write a really good trashy novel.” Yes, I’m a Gemini, but please don’t let that deter you.

I have had both parents live with me, when they were both (almost) at death’s door, only to have them up and leave to live with a younger sibling, to now having my almost 92-year old father living with me. I am certainly no authority, at least not yet, on this subject, but I’m confident that together, we can all ensure our sanity and we’ll all get through this changing time in our lives.

I will concede as well, that it can’t be easy on our parent(s) if they’ve had to move in with us, but that’s no excuse for some of what I’ve encountered in the 18 mos. since my father moved in.

I’m a widow with 2 adult children at home, and 2 (precious and beautiful) grandsons, ages 8 & 23 mos., at home. We live in a 4-bedroom, 2 bath mobile home in Southern California, in the Inland Empire, where we experience extremely high temperatures, as well as extremely low temperatures (30’s). We’re in a 4 Star park, and live like any other neighborhood in the US. I’m sure we’re also not unique in our situation, though I can’t find anyone to share my trials and tribulations with, so I figured ‘I’d do it myself,’ and this was born.

I hope you’ll not only join this journey, but take an active part in it by sharing your experiences, or by letting me know that this is something you find yourself faced with and are struggling to make the “right” decision. By “right” decision, I mean not only for you and your family if you have one, but for your parent(s). This is not an easy thing to do, but the alternatives aren’t always better, either.

If your parent(s) are not financially stable, the alternatives are too horrendous to consider. If they cannot afford to keep their home (as an example), where can they go? Assisted living?

Would you want to do that, when elder abuse has become an issue in America, not to mention the cost (+$2,500/mo). Living with other elderly (as in sharing a home) “strangers” that could rob them blind, murder them in their sleep, poison them…see where I’m going with this? We almost don’t have a choice but to take them in, do we? Could you live with yourself if you turned one or both of your parents away because you didn’t want to be “bothered” with them, didn’t have the room, didn’t have the time? Trust me; if you have a conscience, you wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if they weren’t in your care.

Introduction

(From The Orange County Register)

Room for parents. High housing costs and a lack of retirement funding may see boomers moving in with their adult kids - not the other way around. University of California, Irvine, profession John Graham has been studying the situation since 1997 and concludes that many aging boomers will begin moving in with their children en masse in the next five years.

That's what this is all about, and I strongly encourage everyone to get involved, because if it's not happening to you yet, it will, and you need to be prepared. Let's work together, and let's "talk" about this.