“Driving Age”

(From the CA DMV website) – “Did You Know that there are more than 5.5
million drivers over the age of 55 in California? More than 2.5 million
are 70 or older.”

This is a very, very touchy subject at my house, but a concern for everyone who has a driver license. “At what age should driving privileges be revoked?” or more important, should the driving privileges of an elderly person ever be revoked? That’s certainly a ‘loaded’ question, and that’s our topic today.

Regardless of what the elder tells you, the consensus is that over 70 (I picked that age) a driver’s ability to react swiftly, accurately and without hesitation diminishes drastically. That almost goes without saying, but I feel it needs to be stated and re-stated. At a certain age, and that age could be different for all elderly people, their ability to be “safe” on the road becomes a concern for us all.

My Dad was a terrible driver in the 70’s, so trust me when I say that he hasn’t gotten any better, and in fact, I worry every time he gets behind the wheel of his car. (We’re going to leave his choice of cars for a different topic.)

My Dad has a valid Arizona Driver License, but not a valid California Driver License. He simply could not pass the behind-the-wheel test at our local DMV office, but of course he says it’s because they’re “out to get him.” My Dad thinks everyone’s ‘out to get him,’ from the DMV to the corner mini-mart. That translates into difficult and argumentative conversations, but those are for later, too.

So I gently remind Dad that he has 10 days in CA to get a valid DL if he’s a resident. He moved from NM to AZ to CA once my Mom died in 2004. He’s been in CA for almost 2 years, but still drives on the AZ license, which I might add, doesn’t expire until he’s 96! What is that state thinking? No wonder when their residents come to CA we’re forever honking and telling them to get the hell out of the way. I think AZ lets their residents drive until they die behind the wheel (kidding, just kidding).

The CA DMV has great resources for the “Senior Driver” that are available here. If you’re in another state I encourage you to search your local Department of Motor Vehicles for specific Senior Driver information, or send a comment or e-mail and I’ll try to find it for you. Remember to tell me what state I’m searching for.

Please don’t misunderstand me; I’m not saying that all ‘elderly’ people should give up their driving. My Dad firmly believes it’s his right to drive, and I believe he has to earn the right to drive in this state. That’s why there are rules, regulations, laws and testing to be sure that any individual, regardless of their age, is capable of doing just that. All of us on the roadways have the right to be safe, so that 90 year old in the next lane, going 25 on I10, needs to pass the same tests I do, and maybe even more. I don’t know about you, but I want to be absolutely certain, or as certain as I can be, that all elderly have undergone the same testing requirements as I have, or whatever each state deems necessary in order to ensure they are still “capable” of driving at that age.

Possibility or a Reality?

Have you recently either a) moved in with your (elderly) parents, or b) had your parents move in with you? Have you faced the “challenge” of your parent(s) getting older and resembling someone you barely know? Have you been faced with your parent(s) declining health or mental status? Have you been faced with a poor (or rich) economic standing of your parent(s)?

You’re not alone! Either moving in with, or having them move in with you has almost become the ‘norm’ today, and it seems to be the way a lot of us (or our parents) are either choosing to do, or doing it out of necessity, that brings many challenges that have to be faced by all parties.

This is what this blog is about; I will preface this blog with the fact that I am not a ‘professional writer,’ though it’s been a lifelong dream of mine to “pen” something, and I once read that “Within every Gemini is the ability to write a really good trashy novel.” Yes, I’m a Gemini, but please don’t let that deter you.

I have had both parents live with me, when they were both (almost) at death’s door, only to have them up and leave to live with a younger sibling, to now having my almost 92-year old father living with me. I am certainly no authority, at least not yet, on this subject, but I’m confident that together, we can all ensure our sanity and we’ll all get through this changing time in our lives.

I will concede as well, that it can’t be easy on our parent(s) if they’ve had to move in with us, but that’s no excuse for some of what I’ve encountered in the 18 mos. since my father moved in.

I’m a widow with 2 adult children at home, and 2 (precious and beautiful) grandsons, ages 8 & 23 mos., at home. We live in a 4-bedroom, 2 bath mobile home in Southern California, in the Inland Empire, where we experience extremely high temperatures, as well as extremely low temperatures (30’s). We’re in a 4 Star park, and live like any other neighborhood in the US. I’m sure we’re also not unique in our situation, though I can’t find anyone to share my trials and tribulations with, so I figured ‘I’d do it myself,’ and this was born.

I hope you’ll not only join this journey, but take an active part in it by sharing your experiences, or by letting me know that this is something you find yourself faced with and are struggling to make the “right” decision. By “right” decision, I mean not only for you and your family if you have one, but for your parent(s). This is not an easy thing to do, but the alternatives aren’t always better, either.

If your parent(s) are not financially stable, the alternatives are too horrendous to consider. If they cannot afford to keep their home (as an example), where can they go? Assisted living?

Would you want to do that, when elder abuse has become an issue in America, not to mention the cost (+$2,500/mo). Living with other elderly (as in sharing a home) “strangers” that could rob them blind, murder them in their sleep, poison them…see where I’m going with this? We almost don’t have a choice but to take them in, do we? Could you live with yourself if you turned one or both of your parents away because you didn’t want to be “bothered” with them, didn’t have the room, didn’t have the time? Trust me; if you have a conscience, you wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if they weren’t in your care.

Introduction

(From The Orange County Register)

Room for parents. High housing costs and a lack of retirement funding may see boomers moving in with their adult kids - not the other way around. University of California, Irvine, profession John Graham has been studying the situation since 1997 and concludes that many aging boomers will begin moving in with their children en masse in the next five years.

That's what this is all about, and I strongly encourage everyone to get involved, because if it's not happening to you yet, it will, and you need to be prepared. Let's work together, and let's "talk" about this.